I’d say there has been a mix of ups and downs during this episode. Yes, I was right to call Jason, Stephen, Stuart and Dodgy Bendik for generally being up to no good. But all of these smug correct predictions are nothing to the huge balls-up I made of The Jan Situation. AND TO THINK I CALLED HIM A CUPCAKE. Honestly, next time I abandon the plaintive charms of the hapless Matthew to favour his poor maligned boyfriend, I shall think again. Looking bemused and having a few meltdowns isn’t going to get you out of the extremely sticky question of how exactly your hair ended up in the hand of the suffocated babysitter.
On the other hand, hold your rapidly accelerating horses, for I have answers that might possibly save my little sweetcheeks from utter humiliation (but to be honest, going for the police officer’s throat during an interrogation isn’t ever going to go down too well, is it now).
What’s Gone Down:
1. DTG Construction Squad Thread
- We still don’t really care about Lambeth, but lo and behold! still its dreary progress drags on and appears on our screens. For anyone who is wondering, BBB Sylvie is taking full advantage of the death of Andrew Barnes to a) send a bouquet to his wife (she’s an MP in case you missed EVERY OTHER LINE OF THE ENTIRE EPISODE), and b) go back on her promise to Henry to substitute the old plan for his new fancy one. Oops.
- Speaking of BBB Sylvie, she’s as sharp as ever realising that her husband is a complete weirdie. “Will I be enough?” she asks, knowing that casually having a nap in your stepdaughter’s bed isn’t exactly normal paternal affection manifesting itself. Stephen, as per usual, has nothing to say for himself.
- Jason’s underling Stuart is now blackmailing him — for reasons unknown, but I’ve said ALL ALONG that he’s a bad ‘un, YESSIREE! — and someone has photographed the money changing hands to re-blackmail him. Serves you right for being an arse, Jase.
2. As Yet Unknown Illegal Worker and Man in Van Thread
- Blackmail is a popular Monday evening activity it seems, since Dodgy Bendik is participating in the general fun too, desperate not to get kicked out as a tenant. When the news that Stuart has MS doesn’t seem to work as leverage, the discovery that his search history shows results for “andrew barnes dead” (and multiple other searches of that oeuvre) 2 hours before the body of dear Andrew was actually reported dead seems to have the desired effect. If only he weren’t so shifty and obviously criminal himself, Bendik would make a rather good detective.
- May, the daughter of Man in Van, was found drowned, which understandably had an awful effect on Marcella seeing that her deceased daughter Juliet would have been the same age. On the plus side, Rav did give her an adorable squeeze on the shoulder that has officially rid him of his “Grumpy” title for the time being.
3. Catching the Killer Thread
- Jan, Matthew Neale’s boyfriend, has been arrested after strands of his hair were found in the hand of May’s suffocated babysitter. Also adding up in evidence against him: 1) he has a scratch on his hand, and 2) he eyed up the bottle of white wine in his fridge with frankly alarming hunger. Hard to explain away, that.
- Mohammed Al-Sayed, brother of the late Hussan, stood creepily outside Marcella’s house for a bit, but then made his way in eventually and hit her over the head. Not the politest house guest.
- The fact that Marcella calls her children “booba”. So adorable.
- Scenes without music as we all reeled from the discovery of May’s body. Especially coming after the expression of pure hope on the face of her father when he suddenly thought he could ring her, these were achingly bleak and tender.
- The shot of the back of Mohammed’s hoodie as Jason drives away with the children, and there is a second of
much shrieking at the television screenunadulterated horror as the camera slooooowly pans out so we can see who the hell it is. My sigh of relief as it was “only Mohammed, thank goodness!” turned into a little grunt of surprise when harmless Mohammed suddenly became Thwacked-Her-Quite-Hard-Actually Mohammed.
- Henry will sleep with Tall Dark Handsome, no question. And I’m about as jealous as Ginger Beardie will be when he finds out. <–Does this even count as a prediction any more? After that rooftop scene, it’s practically a done deal. All that cigarette smoke, ooft.
- Stuart will commit suicide. Or maybe Jason.
- Bendik will be arrested for animal cruelty/being a general dodgy character of the highest degree.
- Everyone will find out about Marcella being there on the night of Grace’s murder, she will become a suspect but don’t panic it will all end well because, well, it has to.
- Sylvie will divorce Stephen, and will also hand over the company to him since she is unexpectedly retiring.
Hang on. I think the murderer is…
*swallows nervously* I’m finally ready to add this section in, but only under the understanding that I will not suffer abject humiliation when I inevitably get it completely wrong. But bear in mind that he clearly wasn’t as close to Grace as he has since led everyone to believe, judging by the few angsty conversations we saw…
HENRY GIBSON. And he framed Jan to get Matthew. Done, sorted. When’s Series 2?
Tills nästa vecka!